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The Enneagram & Relationships


One of the natural questions that arises out of the study of personality types is:

Are certain types naturally compatible  with each other?

Unfortunately, this question doesn't have a simple answer.

First, we see a  large range of behaviour throughout the Levels of Development. Very high functioning (in the healthy Levels) people can create and maintain strong relationships with anyone. On the other hand, in the low-average or unhealthy Levels all the types exhibit very objectionable behaviour that precludes healthy, fair relationships. In general, the healthier one is in the Levels of Development, the healthier one's relationships.

Second, sometimes two types seen to have a strong relationship, but it may not have a healthy foundation. For example, consider a type 6-8 couple. Sixes want to have a stong authority figure to make them feel more secure and confident. Eights want to be in control of those around them. In their relationship, each person may appear to be giving to the other what s/he wants. However, this arrangement reinforces and perpetuates their personality's habits. The Six will become dependent on the strength of the Eight and will have a hard time becoming more independent. The Eight will resist any increased autonomy of the Six to maintain the role of the Leader. Ultimately, the partners are not able to grow out of their mutual roles. Of course, not all 6-8 couples will have this issue.

Rather than look for compatibilities between the types, we can look for personality-related issues that result from relationships. Entire books have been written on the subject. See Are You My Type? and The Enneagram in Love & Work.
On the web: Helen Palmer's Relationships and your type and Riso & Hudson's Relationships and Type Compatibility.